


Wrong

by semele



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Emotional Abuse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-07 14:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semele/pseuds/semele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elena learns about love the hard way, exactly like she should. She's a grown-up now, and she can't give up on things just because they're difficult, she can't act on a whim, and she can't be selfish. Love is patience and love is effort, love is strength and love is forgiveness. Love always gives a fair chance.</p>
<p>AU after TVD 3x20.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Vampire Diaries Free-For-All Comment Ficathon: Part 4. Prompted by scorpiod1: _don't make me sad, don't make me cry, sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why_
> 
> Elena's POV. Consequences of unaddressed abuse.

Elena has always been taking love seriously. This is who she is, strong and smart, loyal and just. She knows better than to look for fireworks and rocket's red glare; love is work, love is struggle and trial by fire.

Of course there are things she doesn't talk about, things in the back of her head and the corner of her eye, but that's exactly where they belong, so she does everything she can to keep them there. She has to make up her mind, because no one will wait forever for her to decide what love is, no one will put their life on hold because of her precious _choices_. She isn't that important.

Elena learns about love the hard way, exactly like she should. She's a grown-up now, and she can't give up on things just because they're difficult, she can't act on a whim, and she can't be selfish. Love is patience and love is effort, love is strength and love is forgiveness. Love always gives a fair chance.

So when Stefan Salvatore comes back, Elena closes her eyes, takes his hand and lets him back into her house.

***

They give each other clean slate so that they could start over. Elena knows that they have to put the past behind them and be reasonable about it, so she refuses to dwell. 

She focuses on the present, on Alaric and on Klaus, and it doesn't take her long to figure out which topics she shouldn't mention. Stefan would never ask her to do that, but she knows anyway, certain things disturb him, and she doesn't want to upset him. 

Elena makes a list in her head, forbidden phrases and unfortunate sentences, things that are just flat out wrong. It's not a problem, really, all those things are easy to manage and remember, a small price for keeping her life safe and simple. 

Sometimes when she's very tired, she dreams of bridges and hospitals, old memories surfacing at the worst possible moment, but she never wakes up screaming the way she used to after the accident, so it's not a big deal.

She figures Stefan already has enough on his plate, so she never says a word about that (this is the only reason why she doesn't), it wouldn't be fair. After all, it's not like she's exactly innocent in the mess they've created for themselves. When Elena looks at what they've been through, she doesn't have the audacity to shift the blame.

***

It takes them a while before they start sleeping together again. It's Elena's choice from the beginning to the end, and it takes her some time to convince Stefan it's the right thing to do.

It feels wonderful to be in his bed again. Stefan is a good lover, sweet an generous, and he knows how to touch her just right. It's probably wrong and shallow of her to want this so much, but she's missed him, and, damn it, she's missed having sex.

She looks him in the eye all the time to assure him it's all right.

***

Elena tries not to let all the little things get to her, she reminds herself that the two of them have made it through hybrids and werewolves and altars of fire, so surely they can deal with missed phone calls and unwashed mugs. She waves it all off, and talks Stefan into doing normal, teen stuff, going to the movies and studying together, because she has to be rational right now, and rational people don't get annoyed because of silly things, Stefan never disagrees, not even when he probably should, and he doesn't really talk to Jeremy when he comes over for dinner.

Sometimes, on a bad day, she can't stop herself from making sarcastic remarks that never touch those really sensitive subjects, but Stefan is too calm and too balance to argue with, so Elena bites her tongue and lets it go, behaves like an adult she is. It doesn't take much to have a normal life, all she has to do is stop saying and feeling all the wrong things.

Stefan never calls unless she calls, and never comes unless she invites him, he's giving her space, and he's giving her time. Elena is grateful for that, so she tries to make up for her strange annoyance, she stops asking Stefan to dance, and when she's in the Boarding House, she makes sure he always sees her.

She never mentions Denver.

***

Elena tries harder and harder, but there are days when she just can't keep it together, and everything falls apart. She knows she's exhausted; she's been spending hours upon hours browsing grimoires with Bonnie and looking for a way to get rid of the Originals. She desperately needs to sleep, to get a whole night, a day, three days, but she can't have any of that, so she simply keeps going, her thoughts and emotions running wildly around her head. No matter how what she does to catch them, they slip, they always slip. and then damage is done, nothing she can do about it.

“What's wrong, Elena?” asks Bonnie after a few weeks, and Elena gives her her most beautiful smile.

“All is right in the world,” she says the way she always does, but then Bonnie reaches out and touches her hand and everything goes to hell.

After she's done crying, Elena washes her face, puts her hair up in a ponytail and goes back to work.

***

Elena doesn't crash again, not in front of someone who would notice, and she's never been this kind of girl who would deal with her life by sitting on her bathroom floor, sobbing (except, perhaps, once or twice). She makes herself busy, keeps an eye on Jeremy's grades, repaints her fence and keeps training, just like Alaric taught her. She knows it's important that she keeps running every day, she needs to be fit and needs to be strong, the danger is not over yet.

Sometimes she still has Stefan's words in her head when she starts running. Working out makes her thoughts wander, and Elena likes that, short syllables jumping around her as her feet keep hitting the ground in a steady rhythm, _I love you, you have me_. She knows she has Stefan's love and his support, and she reminds herself that, working out keeps her thoughts in check, _I love you, you have me, I-love-you-you-have-me, I-love-have-me-I-love-have-me-me-me-me-me..._

***

Elena knows that she's doing it all wrong. She's hell to be around, ungrateful and bitchy, tired and impatient, silly and unjust. It's really not who she wants to be, but she can't help it; she can't even stop herself from dreaming of bridges and hospitals, that's how weak she is. When Stefan starts asking what's wrong, she shakes him off, smiles and goes back to her homework. Love is patience and love is effort, love is strength and love is forgiveness. Love always gives a fair chance.

She's defined by her annoyance. Elena Gilbert, annoyed with weather and furniture, with her brother and her boyfriend, with boredom and chores, but first of all with her own annoyance, irrational, and petty, and terribly timed. She deals with the world by crying and sleeping, eight hours, ten, twelve. She should do something about it, no one can live like that, it's not healthy and she knows it. So she gets annoyed by how annoying she is, hysterical, aggressive and chaotic, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

One day, when Stefan forces a pen out of her shaking hands, cups her cheek, looks her in the eye and asks what's wrong, Elena takes a deep breath and starts screaming.


End file.
